The Final Chapter: Why I came home

There were several reasons why I didn't stay. The family were going on holiday for three weeks and by all means I was invited...But being around people whom don’t speak the same language as you is awfully isolating.

Language is another reason I left. I went to Germany with the promise I would be able to go to a school to learn German. Unfortunately all places had gone by the time we looked into it. I wasn’t encouraged to learn German because they wanted Christo to learn English. At first it was ok that I didn’t know German and I didn’t mind listening to people speak but not understanding but as time went on I became more and more isolated from the family- Or at least I felt it. Besides that it was embarrassing. I wanted to make the effort so it would be easier for me to integrate.

And I’m sure you all think that little Christo must be one of the reasons! Well, it came clear to me when his English teacher asked him why he didn’t like me and he said " Because when she picks me up and takes me to Kindergarten Mama and Papa aren’t there;" this problem of his unpredictable and rebellious behaviour was much bigger than me. It was never going to be completely resolved unless his parents stopped working!

I realise that I perhaps backed down too soon with him- I could see that he didn’t want to play with me, and he quickly became hostile to me so I just stopped trying to get him to play. However, after the English teacher told me this, the knot in my stomach, which had been holding me back from him, untied. And he picked up on this (and the fact I was buying him ice-cream) and things changed. He was less hostile and aggressive, this changed for good. But him enjoying spending time with me was always temporary. We'd have a nice evening building car races together but the next morning he'd be pleading with his Mama for her to take him, and not me. To put it bluntly, he missed his parents and I was never going to be able to change that.

Very quickly I became extremely fond of him and him of me I believe. To quote "Hannah is brilliant." "Hannah is a really good dancer Mama" and " I love you." But like I said, the problem was much bigger than him not liking me. And this problem was another reason why I came home...

Love x

P.s I’ve grown to quite like writing a blog, so I’m going to carry on writing one! A new one of course. I’ll let you know…