I dont like unfinished stories. And this needs two chapters more.

Chapter 1: The Experience


Going to Berlin this summer was one of the hardest challenges I've ever had.

I learnt to take everything day by day because my feelings were so mixed. Some days I felt so lonely all I did was cry and stay in that tiny flat.Other days I got a grip of my situation and took the experience in my stride- explored Berlin, met fantastic people and handled Christo well!

Going to Berlin was also one of the best experiences I've had.

I've never felt that kind of responsibilty before and I very quickly had to grow out of my teenage mind-set and into a 'I've-got-a-child-who-is-100%-my-responsibilty-at-certain-times' mind-set. When you are faced with something you are not sure you can do, you perhaps dont do it, because no-one is relying on you. But when a five-year old relies on you to save him from fear or falling or simply just building lego so it doesnt fall over- you have to do it. And you just do.

For one reason or other at times I was treated very much like a child who was completly naive and at first I took this to heart, climbed into my shell. And then I realised that I wasnt that child at all. It became more than this. As I learnt to be by myself and to not feel lonely, I discovered myself more than ever. ( In a none self-indulgent way)I could be in my realm, my element and there was no-one to influence me. I was just me.
Thats not to say I'm not myself and haven't been, my identity just became a bit clearer to me ( oh, how cheesy hannah...)

I also learnt the importance of language. A language that isn't your own.You never think about speaking your own language. We speak it mindlessy, without pausing for thought. Until, on a reguarly basis people dont know what you are saying. Until, people scowl at you for being so ignorant as to not speak their language. Until, you have to slow down your speech at all times to be understood. And finally,until, you meet a lot of people who speak not just two languages but 3 or 4 or even 5. I became utterly ashamed. I felt arragont and ignorant (well thats certainly how people saw me.) So I am going to learn Spanish, I wanted to anyway but Ive never felt it was so so important.

I feel very effected by the past three weeks. By the people I met, by the challenges I faced, and by what I learnt. And I have absolutley no regrets.

Love x